Jokes!
Jokes!
I got a joke from Dayni that was hilarious!!
A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."
A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."
There was this guy walking on the beach when he find a genie bottle. He rubbed it and a genie came out.
"I may grant you 3 wishes"
The man very excited said: " I want a mansion."
PUFF! He had a big mansion.
"Your second wish?" asked the genie.
"I want a Ferrari".
PUFF! He had a Ferrari.
"Whats your last wish?"
"I want woman to find me irresistible!"
PUFF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
"I may grant you 3 wishes"
The man very excited said: " I want a mansion."
PUFF! He had a big mansion.
"Your second wish?" asked the genie.
"I want a Ferrari".
PUFF! He had a Ferrari.
"Whats your last wish?"
"I want woman to find me irresistible!"
PUFF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
hee hee!!! good one
here's anotherone:
Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartender says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
here's anotherone:
Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartender says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
and one more
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. So he picks up the snail and it says "Give me a hamburger!" This makes the guy angry, so he throws the snail as far as he can.
Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.
The snail finally speaks and says, "What the F#&$ was that all about?"
Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.
The snail finally speaks and says, "What the F#&$ was that all about?"
Yayyyyyyyyyy!!! Jokes section is back
MAN:
1. Pull up to machine.
2. Wind window down.
3. Insert ATM card, enter PIN.
4. Retrieve cash.
5. Drive away.
WOMAN:
1. Pull up to machine.
2. Open door (too far away from machine)
3. Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card.
4. Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair.
5. Insert card.
6. Remove card.
7. Insert card the correct way up.
8. Search for piece of paper with PIN on it.
9. Enter PIN
10. Enter correct PIN
11. Retrieve cash, put in bag.
12. Drive off
13. Reverse back to machine
14. Retrieve card
15. Drive 3 miles away
16. Release hand-brake
LOL
MAN:
1. Pull up to machine.
2. Wind window down.
3. Insert ATM card, enter PIN.
4. Retrieve cash.
5. Drive away.
WOMAN:
1. Pull up to machine.
2. Open door (too far away from machine)
3. Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card.
4. Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair.
5. Insert card.
6. Remove card.
7. Insert card the correct way up.
8. Search for piece of paper with PIN on it.
9. Enter PIN
10. Enter correct PIN
11. Retrieve cash, put in bag.
12. Drive off
13. Reverse back to machine
14. Retrieve card
15. Drive 3 miles away
16. Release hand-brake
LOL
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