Educational Facts about Norway

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Dark_Dominion
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Educational Facts about Norway

Post by Dark_Dominion » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:29 am

Fast Facts

* Population: 100 mills, often called millions. Most of them are immigrants
* Capital: Oslo. Name comes from Russian word "Осло", or "City of Donkeys".
* Currency: Kroner, (Crowns), but the King has the only crown available, so most trades are done with sheep or whales
* Economy: Pretty darn good, like a well-oiled machinery.
* Government: Stalinist Monarchy
* Prime Minister: Jens Stoltenberg, after violently deposing Kjell Magne Bondevik in a bloody coup in late 2005.
* Religion: Santanism (They still belive that santa is the only God)
* Lion population: Two, sitting in front of the national Parliarment.
* Major Exports: Black Metal, web browsers (Opera), cold weather fronts, whales, heavy water to terrorist-countries.
* National Food: "Grandiosa" brand circular cardboard smeared with reindeer testicle paste, camouflaged to look like Pizza
* National Drink: Potato moonshine Karsk
* National Cheese: A mixture of goat cheese and the kind of cheese not actually categorized as cheese (The slimy stuff you find on top of very old milk, only browner)
* Weather: Always the opposite of what's needed. Mostly snow. Temperature never gets above -13C.
* Television: is rules by one man, and one man alone: Jon Almaas

* Other Facts: Yes, Polarbears walk in the streets

Royalty

Norway is ruled with a iron fist by their beloved king Harald V (the supreme space otter) Also the prince of darkness... or Ari Behn, has some power over some parts of the country- like: Alta, Glomma, Barkåker, Furuset and Hørte.

Exports

Norway's primary export is whales, but only one has been exported to date. The international outcry over the cruel and inhumane way in which they are hunted, caused the UN to send smurf troops and black helicopters to patrol the borders in an attempt to prevent more exports. The first exported whale is now located next to England, but Norwegians will proudly brag about at least five other successful exports. These are likely to be Australia, Scotland, New Zealand, Armenia and Ireland, proud places where farmers are happy and sheep are always nervous. More recently there has been a noticable increase in the international demand for black metal, and Norway has risen to the challenge of providing the world with this essential product. They also export a lot of shoelaces and balsam for cats.And the infamous Brunstad crimefamily imports large quantities of moonshine, known as HB or "Heimebrent" in Norway. This strong alcolol (vol. 96%) is illegal. Anyone getting caught making HB will get arrested by the police, lovingly refered to as "Purken" locally.

History

Main article: History of Norway This entry is not authorized by Space Otters Incorporeal in this uncarnation. Proceed at your own risk. Or at least bring your own dice to avoid the regrettable state of no dice.

The history of Norway is closely related to big hairy hamsters. It's marred by Swedes, Danes and cheese.

Fort Norway, after the Vikings bought it, went to war with Israel, to secure Iceland. Israel had God on their side and defeated Norway in the battle of Britain. Then sprung the evil geysirs from Iceland up, and crushed the Democracy of God and Israel. To celebrate, the Olympics in Sydney began, with enormous parties of chocolate cake muffins.

Transnational Issues

Norway is looked upon as a part of the Commonwealth of Denmark, which the Space Otters does not agree with.

Principalities

The Svalbard islands has been under Norwegian control since 1970, when the 30-year long war with San Marino was put to an end. The Norwegian Coast Guard has trouble with poor spellers, they usually shoot first and ask questions later.

Millitary

After the Norwegians converted to the religion "Santanism", they've dropped the axe and use sticks and stones as primary wepons. The military are often dressed in Red Santa clothes, and hide in the bushes. Before they march into battle, they get so drunk that they can't see the enemy.

The Norwegian army unwittingly declared war upon the pope and his evil minions, and, in a fortunate turn of events, they were utterly defeated and humiliated.

The Norwegian army is also responsible for attempting an attack on Russia. But the Norwegian soliders where so drunk that they marched to the wrong country. Actually, they didn't even cross the Norwegian borders, and attacked a Norwegian Town called Florø. The Natives in this town didn't defend themselves, instead they joined the army and burried their town with stones and sticks.

The Norwegian Barfighting Method is the official style of fighting in the Norwegian millitary!

Terrorism

The guerilla front of Norway, called "Dænsebænd", are led by a nihilistic and mean-spirited creature whose name, whispered only in shushed awe, is Sputnik. He likes to wear cowboy-equipment and is armed with a deadly audio-instrument (see Skrækkspellfæstival). The only weapon law-abiding citizens have against Sputnik is to throw Turbojugend hats in the air.

Sputnik once collaborated with the terrorist organization DDE to overthrow the previous Norwegian government. Kjell Magne Bondevik bears a grudge to this day.

One of the most wanted terrorist comes from the deep someplace and is called Reidar 4117. He is know to punish all his enemies by taking them in "toer'n" This is a very painful thing since Reidar is using his "great sword of terror"

Nature

Norway's got lions, bigfeet and tigers, unlike Kenya. It is also well known for its technically advanced battalion of Stealth Rabbits who protect the population from terrorist groups such as al-Kefir, the Semi-popular Resistance Front of Judea and the Irish.

Nearsighted people are illegal in Norway. Therefore most nearsighted people in Norway have been exported to Iowa to form their own colony, and changing their names from Norwegians to Iowegians. In return, the state of Iowa sponsors the first verse of the Norwegian national anthem.

In the fjords of Norway there are several unidentified cratures. An old legend says that many of them share similarity to Nessie of Loch Ness.

Sports

The national sport of Norway is called "Milk the Bull While Wearing Suspenders and Skis", and has a high death-rate at approximately 99.2%

Norway is the first country in the world to start a Championship League in Nightmares.

An up and coming game in Norway is called 'Midget Tossing'... not to be mistaken with 'Tossing the Salad.'

Other Facts

Little Known Facts About Norway

* In 1995, 100,000 Norwegians (Norwegian space otters) were enraged by a misplaced comment (referring to the supreme space otter) from Bob The Builder, and ate Paris.
* The Norwegian Jahn Teigen, member of Norwegian Androgynic Silly Artists (NASA), invented the number "0".
* The Norwegian Dan Børge Akerø is the father of the ghastly Rattus norvegicus. He also holds the world record in white afro hair.
* Paris Hilton's grandfather came from Norway, Hilton-hill, Kløfta (translates kleevage)
* Norway is very big in comparison to much smaller countries.
* In northern parts of Norway the sun shines all night in summer and it is totally dark in the winter. This is why Norwegians get horny during the summer months and sperms from November to February.
* Norway is the last remaining Soviet state besides Soviet Unterzûgersdorf
* The Lappish community (a northern tribe of autocannibals oppressed for not respecting the supreme space otter, and for eating cars) claims to be the forefathers of the afro-americans, as well as the Kennedys. In the 80s they were summoned to Egypt to help build the pyramids.
* Norway invented the micro prosessor, but did not realize it's possibilities, so they sold it to the Manhattan Project.
* It is known Norwegians have enormous penises. But sadly, they seldom become erect.
* During the summertime hundered millions of Germans drive around in camouflaged Nazi vehicles and visit all bunkers and such, that was kindly left behind for the homeless after the war.
* In 145 Michael Jackson died in a car in Voss
* Norway also has their own "springbreak." But instead of taking of their clothes, like in those certain popular movies, they dress up in either red, blue or black unrevealing workclothes (it's a communist thing).
* The national anthem of Norway is sponsored by the state of Iowa, and the first verse reads:

Det er Norge som er bra, det er Norge som er best! Det er nordmenn som kan drikke mest og spy vilt på hver eneste fest! (Translation: Oh Norway, country of feet, give to us large brassieres! And maybe some tuna fish, as well, for we are growing hungry! It is time to celebrate the Fish Slapping Festival again!)

* A little known norwegian student recently won an award for discovering the number "1" and another computer geek called "ParADigM" was awarded the "best number of the year"-award by introducing the number "42"! The very same person did indeed discover the "-symbol. Thank you Norway, we now know binary and the answer to life, the universe, and everything!

Even Less Known Facts About Norway

* The Norwegian constitution of independence was stolen by the islamic terrorist group al-Qefir. Much to their dismay, no one much cared as the de facto constitution already had segued to the children's novel "Folk og røvere i kardemommeby" (Kasper & Jesper Go Burgling for Pastry).
* This was the first step in the war that the islamic terrorists have started against, in, or possibly between Norway to transform it into a Muslim state. Norway has previously been attempted turned into a Christian nation.
* The Norwegian language is one of Three in the world that has No Native Vowels (the others being that weird Clicky language from Africa, and the language of the Advanced Supersonic Aluminum Nazi Hell Creatures from Beneath the Hollow Earth). Consonants are used for the entire language often doubled and ocassionally tripled, ocasionally when a vowel is manditory, such as when using an English or French word, letters such as B or X are required to dress in drag and masquerede as the needed letter. The lack of vowels in this language is often attributed to the Hawaiian language hogging all the vowels.
* In Oslo it is against the law to take your lion for a walk on Sundays. On every other day of the week, it is quite OK though.
* Norwegians actually never consume or use anything they did not kill or gathered themself, this is because they still live very much alike how they lived as vikings in the 1980's.
* Killed Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick.
* The dinner provided by restaurants in Norway is mixed with a little bowstring and cow-horns before use

Tourist Information

There are 10000000 supermarkets in Norway, on account of the trees growing too thickly for anyone to be able to get their shopping trolleys to the checkout register. If you somehow manage to find one despite the odds, you should be advised that the names of the foodstuffs may be confusing. This is because bork is the Swedish spelling; Norwegians will be mortally offended at its mere whispered mention. The closest Norwegian equivalent is "bjørk" - please note that for a full and balanced diet, you need both bjørk and other bjørk.

Gays in Norway

Norway is ruled by the Hetro dynasty. This is a dynasty wich passes from one Hetro to another every month. The Hetros have set for a modest reformation, wich includes the rule that if you have a boring gay club in your area, you will get punished if you try to start a new one. The annual gay-tax for new clubs in 2005 is 95%. These taxes are then used to fund the old gay clubs and stop the new generation from starting clubs wich favour fun before money.

The Hetro dynasty also favours the old-church cristians, just so they have someone to fight with. This is the only political group wich is allowed besides GDP (Gay Dynasty Party).

The leader of GDP is Christian Hermansen which originally come from Skare. Skare is where Norwegians sent all the people that were too crazy for even Sweden to handle.

Famous Norwegians

* Kong Harald, Norway's current king.
* Kristian Vikernes,Former King of Norway Later Called "Varg Vikernes" becouse it sounded more like a king's name
* Kristin Clemet, Exile Norwegian, now surpreme ruler of Propaganda Snoreway
* Princess Leah, Royal heiress of Norway
* Mette Marit, Norwegian porn star
* Jens Stoltenberg, Working man. Hard at work convincing the good downsitting television viewers that he is worthy to wield supreme power over the state four-year plan.
* Wolfgang Quick, Infamous inventor.
* Kjell Magne Bondevik, Televangelist, former prime minister of norway abducted by aliens in 2005, also known for his reign of terror between the years 2001 and 2005. Thousands of Norwegians died, some of them not even from old age.
* Fridtjof Nansen, famous nationally for almost making it to the North Pole. Yes, really.
* Ronny Amundsen, famous internationally for actually making it to the South Pole. Infamous nationally for stealing Nansen's ship to do it.
* Olaf Torske, Very famous nobody
* Asgeir, Rebellious leader of the Terrorist organization "Extreme Oppussing". Also called The Boss over all bosses. His hair is even stained from the blood of all his victims.
* Trond Reitan, famous fisherman and beloved pirate.
* Pia Haraldsen, famous for wearing pink and eating grandiosa. Big admirer of Paris Hilton, and other wannabes.
* Eiliv, is a norweegian cow that invented sheep. Her father is a badger.
* Thomas Berg, "The Adviser", aka "Mr å"
* Jahn Teigen, professional skeleton, member of Norwegian Androgynic Silly Artists (NASA)
* Jon Almaas
* Jan Roger Røys, Norway's only Nascar driver

Major Cities

* Oslo - while the official capital of the country, it is also a gigantic sosiological experiment that failed miserably in 1975. Nobody has informed the people who live in the city that the experiment is over, though.
* Bærum - well, less of a city, more of a semi-benign population outgrowth.
* Sandnes - This is the only place in Norway you will get a hore for free.
* Saltdal - The national city of Norway, also the true capital.
* Bergen - Populated entirely by fishmongers, Bergen was one of the biggest cities in Norway until the Japanese attacked the city in 1905; they blamed Saddam Hussein for their actions.
* Trondheim - hotbed of the national championship Moustache Fighting League, it is the only city in Norway where people are born without teeth.
* Hell - the outermost circle of Trondheim
* Grenland - is a own country in Norway, this is where all the pollution is beeing produced. Skien is the capital, Pr0nsgrunn is the city of retards and bamble is the place where the indians live.
* harstad is a space station in norway inhabbited by cows and moles.
* Tromsø - An exact replica of Paris, at 1:10 scale
* Bodø - Capital of the Scandinavian undead, this is an unholy place and the home of zombies and vampires. The name of the city translates to "Live dead".
* Stavanger - populated entirely by dropouts from the Bergen Academy of Fishmongering), Stavanger is the only remaining city where there still lives Vikings. This is the place for those who's looking for asskicking rock-music and beer drinking thugs.
* Haugesund - founded by angry Germans, see Rammstein
* Kristiansund - the evil twin-city of Kristiansand
* Husnes - not worth mentioning further.
* Minneapolis - the capital of the norwegian colonies on the American continent.
* Komagvær - Where old farmers are held slaves by 16 sheep, former capital of Norway, all the people there either died or became slaves for the sheep hive-mind.
* Nidaros - tribe capital of the Norzombies
* Namsos - Home city of the higly loved hip-hopers "DDE"
* Kongsberg - The absolutely most important library city in the world, and the mountain from where Norway mines its kings.
* Halden - still controlled by the Romans, presently under the rule of Guvernor Fabio Luigi Octavius III
* Sverige is one of the biggest cities in Norway. This is where the norwegians send all the retarted people. This city is known in other countries as Sweden.
* Spania is where most of the old people and the members of FrP are living. They spend their days complaining about all the foreigners in Spania.
* Kopervik - Well known for it's beautiful women with very big... eh... eyes!
* Mosjøen - The proud city of danger. Here the Norwegians gather in groups and make Aluminium so that the king otter can enjoy a cold drink from a can.
* Mo i Rana - The city of free drugs. The great landmark Havmannen symbolize a stone man. The governor of Mo i Rana, Inge Myrvoll is an unknown ex drummer in Rolling Stones.
* Molde - A small rebel city on the west coast, ruled by the feared King of Molde, Petter U. Molde has it's own religion, Tottianism, where they worship the football player Totti. Petter is currently exiled and lives in Trondheim, where he plots a major crusade to spread the word of Totti. Having mighty allies like the clairvoyant Parceval by his side, he poses a major threat to the established Norwegian religion Santanism
* Sandefjord - This is where the Svenskeferga come in. It does not even count as a city as it is so small and basically consists of grumpy old people who do not even know what Halloween is.
* Sandnessjøen - This is where the world famous artist Bjørn Jens was born. He has major songs as "Heim te Helgeland" and "No må du pinadø sjærpe dæ gutt" on his discograpy. Other than famous artist Sandnessjøen also has 7 stoned sisters from the time they where in Mo i Rana and played with Inge Myrvold.
* Sarpsborg This is the best city in norway. They dont like Fredrikstad.
* Fredrikstad Is the *slum* in Norway. They are the slaves to Sarpsborg
* Drammen - Is most known for being situated on the top of Mt. Konnerud, also referred to as "Snøfetta". King of Drammen is Svein Krogstad, a former used-car salesman.
* Kodal is the super-advanced New York like city of Norway.
* Kragerø is the main råne town, and in the summer, all the silly Oslo inhabitants come to visit. Kragerø's income is based on turists and people that don't have any other place to go... one word: Tætæy!
* Holmlia - Was overun by all kind of asian semipakistan people in 1804, and in 1952 they got their own city language (pakiswahilistansk). The inhabitants of Holmlia prefer traveling with train and is known for their special perfume made of of camelshit mixed with curry. They have a realy hard time bending the verb "to be" and therefor say "I be"(jeg være).
* Geiranger
* Grünerløkka
You are all figments of my imagination!
When Jesus died it took him 3 days to respawn due to lag."
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
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Post by Spawn » Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:39 pm

That should cover it nicely :))
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Dark_Dominion
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Post by Dark_Dominion » Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:11 pm

Yeah, that covers the basics :))
You are all figments of my imagination!
When Jesus died it took him 3 days to respawn due to lag."
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
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Post by Lla » Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:41 pm

:)) :)) :)) Hi Karl!

Du ska ikkje kalle Kalle for Kalle, selv om moren til Kalle kallar Kalle for Kalle, ska'kje du kalle Kalle for Kalle, for Kalle hetar egentlig Karl.

Klokka p? Ringerike ringer ikke, derfor m?tte Ringerike flytte til Rommerike. Men Rommerike rommet ikke Ringerike, derfor m?tte Ringerike v?re der det var.

Fraktmann Frans Fransen fra Farsund, frakter femten fine fruer fra Fredrikstad, forbi Ferder Fyr. Fruene framf?rer fryktelige forferdelige fiser for Fraktmann Frans Fransen fra Farsund.

Takk for denne klar, saklig, historisk og vitenskapelig framstilling av Norge. De lager en stor kart ut av det. Ingen vandrer Gyter er slik flink til det! :thumb:
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Post by Lla » Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:51 pm

For those (dumb asses who cant understand Norvegian ((at list the spoken form)) Gyter is Spawn's real name :))
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Post by Dark_Dominion » Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:38 pm

Gyter? You mean Günther right? :))

Oh, and wth...where are you from? :))
You are all figments of my imagination!
When Jesus died it took him 3 days to respawn due to lag."
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
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Dark_Dominion
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Post by Dark_Dominion » Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:49 pm

Måteleg klok
kvar mann være;
ovklok vere han ikkje
For skjeldan er hugnad
i hjarta å finne
hjå honom som ovklok er

betre bær
du bærkje i bakken
enn mannevit mykje
Lokare miste
du hev`kje på ferdi
enn ovdrykk av øl...

Ikkje så godt
som godt dei seier
er øl for manne-ætt
Di meir du drikk
di mindre vit
mun du i hausen hava

Veit du ein ven
som vel du trur,
og du hjå han fagnad vil få
gjeve han heile din hug
og gåva ei spar,
far og finn han ofte

Sorry, just went back to school for a minute :))
You are all figments of my imagination!
When Jesus died it took him 3 days to respawn due to lag."
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
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Post by Spawn » Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:14 pm

What are you 2 drinking?? :unsure:
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Post by Dark_Dominion » Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:52 pm

Why, you want some? :D

Byr?i betri ber-at ma?ur brautu a? en s? manvit miki?
You are all figments of my imagination!
When Jesus died it took him 3 days to respawn due to lag."
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
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Post by Spawn » Mon Feb 20, 2006 11:42 pm

I'm not sure if I wanna taste it!

Absint maybe? [the original] stuff?

lol
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Post by Lla » Tue Feb 21, 2006 1:12 am

:mad: :sorry: Der ikke var noen måte finne en Norvegian til Engelsk oversetter! Så jeg coul'nt graver en ord av hva synes være en dikt av en sort.
Trist ting..
Forresten jeg er en (blodig) franskmann :banana:
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Post by Lla » Tue Feb 21, 2006 1:15 am

Dark_Dominion wrote: Gyter? You mean Günther right? :))
:)) no! Gyter i what has been given as a tranlation for "Spawn"

I know it's just silly :rolleyes:
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Post by sonic goo » Wed Feb 22, 2006 9:28 pm

Did someone say Gunther?
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Post by Lla » Thu Feb 23, 2006 12:00 am

do you know him?
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Post by sonic goo » Fri Feb 24, 2006 11:37 pm

I AM him (in a purely metaphorical way). :P
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